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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26736322">sing me to sleep</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurapikano/pseuds/kurapikano'>kurapikano</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hunter X Hunter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character Death, Cried writing this, Gen, Pain, also leopika has a baby, but that makes things worse huh, fuck emperor time all my homies hate emperor time, not canon unless you want me to cry, togashi do not get any funny ideas this is a fanfic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:16:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,032</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26736322</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurapikano/pseuds/kurapikano</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurapika realizes there are things to live for far too late.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>sing me to sleep</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>not another kurapika dies fic. anyway i cried writing this</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The pain on my husband's face is infinitely more painful than the pain racking my body now.</p><p>We both knew this was coming, from the moment subtle coughs turned to hacks of blood, and fatigue turned to collapsing on the floor after minimal tasks. Even so, while I have already accepted that the stick I drew for my life was short from the moment I first chose the limitations of Emperor Time, it's clear that Leorio is still in a form of denial, that he thinks I might have a fighting chance.</p><p>No.</p><p>He doesn't think that. He knows I don't - he's a doctor. But he is also my husband, and all he wants is for me to have a way to avoid this.</p><p>But he knows I don't.</p><p>We both know I don't.</p><p>The worst thing next to the clear pain of my most loved is the fact that I have come to a point in my life where I do not want to die. I was okay before, feeling as if I would readily die for the sake of my people and my vengeance, but, now, with a husband and a family, I feel horrible.</p><p>I do not want to go.</p><p>All at once, it is hitting me that there is so much more to be alive for than revenge, and it is hitting me far too late. I may have achieved marriage and a child - a child who is still merely an infant - but that is all I will get. Our daughter is still just a baby, still only cooing and blowing little spit bubbles, and I am laying in bed with my husband sitting beside me.</p><p>It is just Leorio and I right now, and the camera that I just finished recording my last thoughts to our child on. There are several tapes for her to watch, and I pray sincerely and heavily that it will be enough to preserve my memory for her. If she wonders where I am in the following days, I pray she will find comfort in the recorded sound of my voice and sight of my face, even if she will never have a way to remember the feeling of being held by me.</p><p>I will never be able to hold my infant daughter again, nor will I see her go to school. I will not witness her first steps or first word, and I will not be able to sew more Kurta clothing for her as she grows. She has the garments I prepared for her baby days, and nothing more.</p><p>Leorio notices my tears before I do.</p><p>"Oh, sunshine, please don't cry-"</p><p>I interject before he can finish. "You're crying, too."</p><p>He chokes on a sudden sob, eyes closing as he leans down to press our foreheads together.</p><p>"I don't want to lose you."</p><p>"I'm sorry."</p><p>"Please don't-"</p><p>"I'm so sorry," I breathe, before the dam that has held for years finally breaks.</p><p>"Pika-"</p><p>"Please, always tell her I love her."</p><p>For a while, we sit and cry, together. It hurts far worse to hear him weep for me, especially when it is my fault.</p><p>•<br/>•<br/>•</p><p>It's sunset when things are most certainly drawing to an end, and the boys are now at the foot of the bed, with Alluka on my other side and combing my hair with a small, pink brush. She's doing her best to be calm, I can tell - she wants me to go peacefully, and, with the small braids she's been intertwining my hair into, I might be able to go semi-well.</p><p>Killua, too, is holding in the sorrow that very clearly wants to escape, grief swirling in cerulean eyes as his lips purse and he grasps the fabric of his jeans like he'll fall without it. He's losing a friend, something he was denied as a child, and, now that he has some, one of them is dying.</p><p>Gon just looks torn between anger and denial, like he wants to stop whatever is causing this. He knows, surely, that this is the result of my own actions, but he wants it to be something he can get rid of, something he can stop. It's not.</p><p>Pillows prompt me up enough to see my daughter napping peacefully on my chest, absorbing the warmth of my body that is still left. Soon, I will lack it, being nothing but a corpse to rot into the soil, but that does not disturb me. My people worshipped the Earth, and I will do the same by returning to it. If I am blessed enough to go to the afterlife where they are, I pray they await me, despite the shame I feel for throwing so much of my life away.</p><p>A mere twenty-four, it is April 3rd, and I am dying the day before my birthday.</p><p>How cruel, truly.</p><p>Leorio is laying beside me, now, holding me as close as he dares, eyes flickering between me and our beautiful little one. I feel horrid leaving them alone.</p><p>In a weak voice, I speak.</p><p>"Please, be sure she knows how much I loved her. How much...I love her."</p><p>His hand grasps mine desperately, but he forces his voice to be level.</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>"Tell her about my people. Teach her the language from my books. Teach her to sew. She can carry it forth. I know she can. She's...she will be able to do so much, Leorio. Never let her give up."</p><p>"Never."</p><p>I raise a frail hand to motion the boys and Alluka closer, and keep it extended as well as I can. Slowly, each hand lays upon mine, and, closing my eyes, I whisper prayers quietly in my mother tongue.</p><p>Killua finally breaks, accompanying Gon's sobs that he tries to keep somewhat quiet to hear my voice. Undoubtedly, within moments, they're all within tears, except for the baby peacefully sleeping and babbling in her dreams.</p><p>The old Kurta lullaby I sang Killua when he was suffering flashbacks from home begins to fall in sobbed tones from his throat, and I smile.</p><p>The last breath is shallow and harrowing, but freeing from this pain.</p><p>The world fades away.</p>
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